I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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