in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
