Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
