The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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