she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize