Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
