remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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