Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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