11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
