Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
