I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
