You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
