I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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