I think I am morally bankrupt
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize