You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
