just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize