Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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