I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
