I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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