I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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