im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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