yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I could fuck to npr.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
