he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize