I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
