I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
