did you get engaged???
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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