you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
