Where did you get a picture of my penis
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
