don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
