We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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