I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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