he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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