we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
