Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
