so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
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