I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
