I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
