I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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