I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
