I didn't shave. On purpose
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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