# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
