"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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