we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
