just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
