Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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