I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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