Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
