I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
