Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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