Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
