i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
