i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
