My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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