shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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