omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am one with the molecules
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
