I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
