only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You ruined the universe
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
