you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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