so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
