Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
